Long Distance Lovesong

Life has picked me up and taken me in a new direction. I am definitely a planner when it comes to events and such but as for the big things, I've always been able to step back and let life take its course. I've had an incredibly hard time letting Pat go. It still doesn't feel right. But I do know, more important than any of the pain I feel or feelings I have or hopes I am seeing die before my very eyes, I can't force someone into a relationship they don't want to be in any more.

This post is about long distance. Everyone says long distance can't work. After being in a long distance relationship for two and a half years, I have to disagree. It does work. With the right person, it does work. It can actually be pretty exciting, especially if you like to write and talk. I am certainly a communicator. However, if that "right person" ever begins to become someone less compatible, then things get hard. You gradually begin to constantly glide along on different wavelengths. In my case, Pat began to communicate less and less, made the little time we got to spent together less and less important, and became more and more interested in living in his immediate circumstance rather than stepping in time with me, the girl a thousand miles away.

It can't work after that point. It's too painful being the person waiting around, wondering when you'll have a chance to reunite your lives. A relationship can't function based completely on assumptions. I can't always assume this is just a phase and we'll feel close again next week. I can't assume that despite spending the whole weekend I return home to visit him, his brother whom he lives with comes along to virtually everything we do. The relationship begins to hurt.

Holding on.

I always hold on too long. Probably because I am incapable of saying goodbye to people I am in love with. Obviously, I know this is hard for everyone, but I honestly think I might be incapable. I can't really accept that "things just didn't work out for us" after planning so much for the future and moving to a different state last summer to spend that time together. To me, it feels like giving up. I've fought with absolutely everything I have for the last two months.

I think I have to let go now.